Next to Normal
by TeenWriterKimba
Summary: She's not here. He's not there. They're somewhere in between. Between time and space and universes. It isn't dark there. In fact, it's quite nearly the same. Normal. But he's not there, and she's not here, and things will never be quite right. Not until they find a way home. AU, crossover with TOS, Pre-Darkness, Nyota/Spock.
1. She's Not Here

Hello Star Trek fandom! I've been reading for awhile but this is my first written attempt so I hope it doesn't disappoint. I'd like to thank my beta Icelinaoc for her help with getting this story off the ground! This will be a long fic but I have most of it written.

I don't own anything, I just play with worlds.

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Next To Normal

Ch 1: She's Not Here

"Keptin! I am getting some strange readings from the planet's atmosphere."

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.272: Our position, orbiting around M-526. A routine landing mission, one of many. _

"Affirmative, Captain. I, too, am receiving data indicating an approaching ionic flare. Possibly even a full storm."

_Perhaps not so routine, as I am not a member of the away team as usual. But this is a currently uninhabited class M planet, and the mission is a simple archaeological, botanical reconnaissance trip. Boring. Also, the planet is rumored to have a distinctive smell that is unpleasant to humans. For once, it seems to me that there is no reason for the Captain to go along on this particular mission._

"Transporter room, Scotty, status report! What's going on and how can we get our people out of there?"

_So instead, I selected Lieutenant Sulu, Lieutenant Uhura, and First Officer Spock to head up the team. Perhaps not the most cohesive group available at the moment, with Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura's…difficult relationship, but they are the best men for the job; and only two red shirts in the whole landing party for security. As I said, boring. _

"I donnae know, Cap'n. I have never seen anything like it in all o' my days. I'll keep running analysis but you better get a hold of them, and soon. If this gets any worse, I willna be able to get a lock on their signal."

"I can help with zat!"

_Of course, all of the exciting things happen during the one away mission I pass on._

"Commander Spock, do you read me?"

"Yes, Captain. Our mission is going sufficiently thus far. Our readings have shown-"

"Spock, I need you to listen to me for just one minute, here. You need to gather up the team and get ready for transport. Immediately."

"Captain, with all due respect, this is not the agreed upon transport time. We still have much to-"

"Damn it, Spock! Can't you ever just trust me?"

"Trust without questioning is an illogical manner of interaction, one only practiced by those naïve enough-."

"Captain, this is Uhura. I'm reading some weird shifting in the atmospheric pressure. I've gathered up the rest of the away team at the rendezvous spot and we're ready for transport as soon as I convince _this one_ to leave."

"That's my girl, _Nyota_! I couldn't have said it better myself. You heard the woman, Spock. Time to go. That's an order."

It almost sounded like he sighed. The nerve of that pointy-eared hobgoblin! Times like this made him certain that all of his first officer's so-called 'Vulcan logic' was just a cover for his arrogance and pretentious attitude.

"Yes, Captain."

The transmission crackled away, and just in time, too. Kirk was certain that the two of them were about to jump at each other's throats. He certainly didn't want to hear anymore of _that_ anytime soon.

"Scotty, ready the Transporter Room for beam up in T-minus five minutes. Chekov, get ready to start locking through this mess. Bones, report to the Transporter Room. I don't know what transporting humans into the middle of this this storm is gonna do to them, so you better be ready."

"Aye, Cap'n."

"Yes, Keptin."

"Whatever you say, Kirk."

_It's hard to take charge in a crisis. If you're not Captain James Tiberius Kirk, that is. End Log. _

* * *

Uhura and Spock trudged back to the rendezvous point in silence. He had been the only one who hadn't reported back when she had commed their whole unit to prepare for imminent departure. The ion storm wasn't waiting for anyone, and she didn't want to stick around to find out what it would do to them.

Stubborn man, he made her walk all the way out to his location to retrieve him, pretending not to hear her comm, when they had precious little time as it was. He could be putting himself and the whole landing party in jeopardy. She wanted to scold him, but it seemed like they were constantly on thin ice as it was.

"I dislike how you referred to me when speaking to the Captain. You sounded as if you were speaking about a petulant child, which I am not."

Well, that did it. Uhura was planning on being civil, but he knew just how to push her buttons. All bets were off.

"You do realize that by saying that, you sound exactly like a petulant child, right?"

"The Captain and I have an especially…. strained relationship, even in terms of typical Vulcan-human interaction. And, as my bondmate, I do not appreciate you speaking in a derogatory manner about myself to others. Especially to my direct superior."

"Just because I am your 'mate', does not mean you have any right to tell me what to do. I am your partner. We are equals. You do not own me. And this is Kirk we're talking about. I've been bantering with that man since before you knew either of us."

"…You have been engaging in human mating speech with that man since before I knew you, as well. And while you have brought up the subject, I also dislike that you now allow him to refer to you in such a familiar manner."

"You know just as well as I do that the blame for Kirk knowing and constantly using my first name rests squarely on you. I have been trying to end his childish name game since the day I met him. And are you actually accusing me of flirting with Kirk? I thought Vulcans didn't do the whole jealousy thing. I have never once returned his advances and you know it."

"Being possessive of one's mate is something that is admired on Vulcan. If you were to spend time there, you would see that many if not most Vulcan women wear the mark of their bondmate with pride in public."

"Is this about the biting thing again? I can't believe how worked up you got when you saw that I was dermal regenerating the stupid hickeys you leave on my neck. You're the one who wants to keep our relationship secret!"

"Being discreet and feeling shame for my claim on you are two completely different subject matters."

"Honestly, Spock, I thought this 'you are mine' thing was sexy at first, but it's starting to get old. I'm my own person. Just because we are involved does not mean you can control my life. On Earth, we call that an abusive relationship."

"You are my bond mate. I have shared all with you, mind and body. And yet, you owe me nothing? You accuse me of abuse? If you are to be used as a point of reference, humans truly are mercurial and spiteful creatures."

"If you think humans are so fickle, then why did you pick to be with one in the first place?"

"Perhaps I had an unfortunate and brief lapse of logical thought. I shall endeavor to change this practice in the future."

"Great, don't count on me being in that damn future of yours then!"

Silence reigned once more. Just another day between them, filled with constant fighting and silence. A pattern she was becoming particularly fed up with. They just didn't understand each other. She could not believe she was more or less married to this man.

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_Captain's Log: I have lost a very good man today, the first since I became Captain._

"Scotty, I cannot take one more minute of this. We are all here. Beam us up before I do something I regret."

The only noise amongst the landing party was the wind picking up and whipping around them. The atmosphere crackled with unrestrained energy. And they were about to head straight through it.

…_I was mistaken when I thought that by sheer will and stubbornness I could save them all._

"Aye, aye, Lieutenant Uhura."

Scotty clicked off his comm, nearly rolling his eyes at Chekov.

"I donnae envy him right now."

The silence felt never-ending, concentrated between where the first officer and communications officer stood frostily beside one another. Flashes of light burned across the sky, in direct contrast to the cold couple on the ground below.

"Who eez it you are speaking of, Lieutenant Scott?"

Spock considered saying something, perhaps an apology for their previous interaction. They were about to enter a highly unstable situation. Logic dictated that it was best to clear one's conscience before entering into a dangerous situation. But, petulantly, as she had accused him of not five minutes prior, he held his tongue.

"Never mind, Chekov. You are better off not knowing. Engaging transport."

A high metallic whine filled the air as the energy began gathering around their party. The flashes seemed to be becoming more frequent, and closer to their location on the ground. The light was mixing with the light from the transporter beams, fireflies amongst flames.

"Signals locked on. Hurry, Meester Scott, it is getting wery fuzzy."

Something else was filling the air, too. Voices. The landing party glanced at one another. No one was speaking. Spock thought he heard his name.

"Transport engaged."

The landing party was gone, ripped out of the fire as if by some benevolent god. All but one, caught in the dancing lights and voices.

"Lieutenant Scott! The electromagnetic energy has just increased tenfold! I cannot keep a lock on all of them!"

"Chekov, it's all you, laddie."

"I'm trying, sir! The signals are becoming wery veak! Their molecular signatures are far less condensed than they should be."

Several bright beams of energy lit up the room.

"I'm loosing one! Meester Scott, get them in here now!"

Four bodies appeared in the glow, one blue, one yellow, and two red. All men. She was missing.

The room became eerily quiet. Or perhaps that was just the roaring in Spock's ears. There was an emptiness inside of him that had not been there a moment before. He felt as though something had been ripped from him. It was not as all consuming as the loss of his home world, but it was more acute and far more physically painful. Thinking something had gone wrong in transport, he turned to Nyota, uncertain if he was going to survive beyond this moment. He felt like he was dying. She was not to his right as she should be. He whipped back around. She was not to his left either. He fell to his knees.

Knowing the reason for his sudden loss made it infinitely worse. Bones was standing over him, yelling something at him. He could not hear. He could only feel. Then, just as suddenly, there was a light swirling to his left. His heart swelled with hope and sound came rushing back to him.

"Dammit Spock, I'm a doctor, not a mind reader. What the hell is going on with you?"

But she was there. All was right. The light swirled for far longer than it usually did, seemingly taking an endless amount of time to reassemble her. Spock suddenly realized he had come to his feet, held back from the light only by the wall that was Leonard McCoy, solidly planted in front of him.

"Oh no you don't. I don't even want to think about what would happen if you got caught up in her transport beam."

And then she was there, his beautiful Nyota. He was fairly certain he nearly pushed through McCoy in his attempt to get closer to her, to sweep her into his arms and never let her go. But then, his steps faltered, and the ache, not actually gone but just laid dormant with the crashing waves of hope, returned with a vengeance.

It was not she. But it was. But it was not.

This was, without doubt, Nyota Uhura. She was a tall, thin, African woman in a rather skintight red Starfleet uniform. She could be no other. But she was wrong, in a billion tiny ways. Some were obvious to any observer, her curviness, the length of her hair, the age of her face. Others were seen only by him, who had logged thousands of hours simply staring at his Nyota, taking in everything about her. Her earlobes were a fourth of an inch too long. Her uniform was missing the distinctive stitching symbols that covered the current regulations. Her eyes were missing their usual fire as she looked at him.

She was looking at him. Her mouth formed a silent 'o' of surprise, and then she collapsed. His reflexes were slow, but he was still able to grab her wrists and pull her into his arms. Immediately upon making contact with her skin, he was barraged with a wave of foreign emotions and memories, an overlying edge of terror and shock emerging through it all. He had spent far too much time in his Nyota's mind for it to ever feel so unfamiliar.

Scotty had found a Nyota Uhura, but he had not found his Nyota Uhura. He cradled the woman in his arms and felt a silent tear slip down his face, all semblance of control gone. The stranger's memories and emotions pulled at him harshly, even in her unconscious state, an insult to his memory of Nyota's gentle cerebral embrace. Even her mind had been more beautiful than this woman's.

He heard voices once more, but only faintly through his grip.

"Bones, what is going on in there?"

"Uhura's back, Captain…but I'm not sure it's her."

"And just what in the hell does that mean, exactly?"

"I lost her, Keptin! I'm so, so sorry. I vas so excited when I found another signal but…it iz not her."

"We are still searching, Cap'n, but the storm is getting worse. I donnae know if we will even be able to lock on if she is still down there."

"She is not there."

His own voice surprised him. It sounded so distant from himself, so small and weak.

"Spock? What are you saying?"

"Good lord…are you…is he…crying?"

"She is gone, Captain. She is no longer with us."

_...But I'll be damned if I don't do all I can to bring her back. End Log._

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Reviews, pwease?


	2. Catch Me, I'm Falling

This is probably my favorite chapter so far because McCoy. There really is no other explanation needed. I would like to thank my beta Icelinaoc again for her double-check on this one. I hope these are living up to the Star trek fandom's very high standards. Without further ado, enjoy!

I don't own it, I just play with the world.

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Ch 2: Catch Me, I'm Falling

She dreamed the strangest dream as the wind picked her up and hurled her far away, away from the burning, dancing, consuming lights. The world had been all pain and stretch and agony for a moment, and then all was dark.

Her dreams were never dark. Her dreams were full of light and color and sound; an adventure full of friends and love and happiness almost always awaited her when she closed her eyes. Sometimes they made little sense upon awakening, but always she felt safe and right in her dreams.

This felt nothing like safe, nothing like right, and certainly nothing like happy. In this dream, she saw nothing, felt nothing. She was still, soft, floating. And someone was speaking. Her mind told her it was Spock, but it sounded nothing like him. She could not translate many of the words, though she was sure she knew them. She knew so many words. But instead they scrambled and swirled and slipped away from her like water through a drain. But some she still knew, still felt like the blood in her veins, felt like his presence at the back of her mind.

Vulcan words. _Ashaya. T'hyla. T'nash veh. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. K'diwa. Adun'a. Ko-telsu. Khio'ri. _

Swahili words. _Mpenzi. Mpendwa. Tafadhali. Mchumba. Mke. Nakupenda. Nzuri. Hidaya. Nyota._

Federation words. _Wife. Darling. Baby. Girl. Sweetie. Mate. Honey. Babe. Mine. Please. Star. _

And some she had never heard him speak before: _Love._ _Beloved. Lover. _

It was all too much. Too much. It grated against the floating stillness like sandpaper on ice. She cried out his name in her dream, whether pleading to stop or to continue or to just change, she did not know. _Spock_! And then all was silent and still once more.

She awoke in a strange bed in a strange room in a strange atmosphere. She was on a starship, but it was too cold and she felt too light. It was not quite right, not quite like the Enterprise. Or perhaps she was not quite right. Her head ached fiercer than she could ever remember. The pain was more constant and deep than even her worst concussion. She felt like some part of her had been ripped out. She could not think, let alone take stock of her situation or how she had gotten there. She tried to sit up, clear her head, but the pain and dizziness knocked her back down again.

From the doorway, someone chuckled.

"Just where do you think you're going if you can't even pick your head up, darling?"

She nearly sighed in relief at the familiar voice.

"Leonard! You certainly are a sight for sore eyes."

He was quiet for a moment too long. Just long enough for her to realize that something was not quite right.

"You may want to reserve that judgment until you actually lay eyes on me, Miss. Uhura. I highly doubt it'll be an enjoyable moment."

Her mind puzzled over this strange statement. He called her Miss…and why in the world would Bones' appearance upset her?

"Are you…were you injured, Leonard? I…seem to be having trouble remembering. My head is pounding."

He was silent for a moment. Perhaps weighing his words carefully, aiming to lighten whatever blow was to follow.

"I was not injured. I…was not present for the away mission. But you will likely be disturbed by my looks nonetheless."

"Leonard, what in the world are you…"

Her words trailed off as she fought the burning ache off just enough to lift her head. And she immediately wished she hadn't.

"Oh."

Her head fell back in shock.

"I tried to tell you, darling."

Her mind was racing. This man was most certainly Leonard McCoy. He was just…not the Bones she remembered waving goodbye to on her way to beam down to the planet. He was…too old, for one. He appeared to weigh more, wear his hair differently, and wear a different uniform than she remembered. She was sure that there were more differences if she could bring herself to look further. Who was this man, this cheap impersonation?

"What…what happened to you?"

"It's not really a question of what happened to _me_, Uhura."

It was not about him, at all, then. Had she somehow been changed, warped by the planet? Had she…had she been out for longer than she felt?

"Leonard, am I…has so much time passed? Have I been gone that long?"

A million questions pounded at her already aching head. What had happened to the crew and the Enterprise? What about the rest of the away team?

…What about Spock?

"Now, don't go worrying yourself so much. You've only been out near 24 hours."

She managed a quick glance at her own body, and her normal appearance corroborated his claim. Relief washed over her, although she wasn't entirely sure why. Something was surely still amiss, and it did not seem to her like it was going to have a very good explanation. She couldn't take this emotional roller coaster one more minute.

"Just how do I know you're the actual Leonard McCoy? You could very well be some shape-shifter trying to trick me. Tell me something only the real Leonard would know about me."

He sighed fairly audibly in exasperation. If he wasn't the real Bones, he was certainly pulling off a very good impression.

"Your full name is Nyota Upenda Uhura. You were born on stardate 2233.19."

She considered this.

"That information is easily accessible through my computer files or Starfleet records."

"God, Uhura, you are just something in every-alright, fine. At the academy, or so I've heard, you won all sorts of prizes for your vocal talents, and you continue to wow the crew with your angelic pipes. For dinner, you often replicate something you call _interio piripiri_, and you always complain it's not as good as your mother's. And your favorite color is a rich purple, the same color as a sunset at twilight. Have I satisfied your suspicions yet?"

He was right about almost everything. Her voice, her favorite food. But, as for her favorite color…it was true, it had once been the rich shade of purple he described. But, at some point in the last few years, it had changed to a quite distinctive shade of green. The exact shade of the delicate shell of Spock's ears, the inside of his belly button, and several other areas of his anatomy that she had come across in her _explorations_. All locations, in fact, that she had learned were guaranteed to produce very interesting sounds from her Vulcan when…stimulated. But she certainly wouldn't have shared that information with Leonard under any circumstances, in her universe or another. He appeared to be as real as her Leonard. And yet…

"Yes, I believe you, but I still don't understand. Why do you appear to me…like this?"

"I do not 'appear', as you say, any different than I always do. As I said before, it isn't about what's happened to me."

It was clear that he was trying to guide her gently to the answer on her own, but her pounding headache was making deductive reasoning difficult at the moment. Spock would have told her to compartmentalize, but she had never been very good at that, especially where pain was concerned.

Leonard and the Enterprise appeared different, in a manner that implied that they had aged. She had not. She was not being deceived nor was their any sort of impersonation occurring, as far as she could tell. This situation should not be possible. The only thing that could possibly explain it, considering she had not two days ago been present on her own starship…

"Leonard…what is the stardate?"

His hesitation gave her the answer, but she waited for his response anyway.

"2266.74."

8 years gone, just like that. She struggled to find the words she wanted. Leonard's silence felt patient.

"Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth…I've seen this once before. Time travel. I'm in my future, aren't I?"

She lifted herself up to meet Leonard's gaze, despite the pain. She needed him to be straight with her about this. His expression remained clouded as he answered, and she knew that this would not be an easy or simple conversation. She nearly let out an exasperated groan of her own.

"Well…it's not your future, exactly…"

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2266.72: Our position, orbiting around M-526. A routine landing mission, one of many…_

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Reviews are my life, guys. It's a problem.


	3. A Light in the Dark

Thanks once more for your feedback guys! You really keep me motivated. We're back to Spock this chapter. He's quite a challenge, but I think this turned out well. Thanks as usual to my beta Icelinaoc for her double-checking skillz. Without further ado, enjoy!

I don't own it, I just play with worlds.

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Ch 3: A Light in The Dark

_Captain's Log, 2258.273: It would appear that if I'm out a communications officer, then I'm also out an FO. _

Spock was unsure how long he had been lying on this hospital bed. He assessed his situation quickly, although not very efficiently. It could have been minutes...more likely, hours…but also quite possibly days. His skills of logical estimation had begun to fail, an ominous sign.

_I knew I had made an…interesting choice in the members of my away team, but this is ridiculous. _

His internal clock could tell him with certainty, if he actually had the energy or desire to know. But he did not. He was slowly being consumed by grief, and nothing else seemed to matter.

She was gone. She was no longer with him, and, most likely, never would be again.

Despite his tears, years of emotional numbing had allowed him to assist McCoy in transporting "the other Uhura"-for he could not bring himself to call her by his bondmate's name- to med bay. It was only once he had settled her in and been shooed out by McCoy that his defenses had crumbled. Despite the other Uhura appearing a cheap facsimile of his former love, her presence had been a comfort, a symbol of sorts, a sign that there might still be a chance that his love was living, even if she was not with him.

Without her nearness, he lost all hope, and, with it, all sense. Uhura was dead. His mate, his wife, his love. And if not dead, then gone from him forever. This was fact. This was logic. And, for once, it brought no comfort. He was lost. The Va'Pak had left him vulnerable, the loss of his mother cutting perhaps even deeper. Nyota had been the only thing left to cling to, and he had quite nearly anchored himself solely to their bond in an effort to keep going, to not give in to grief. But now that line had been severed and he was drifting, drowning in a sea of agony that raged much harder than one mere loss. And her loss was hardly small.

Memories of her pulled at him.

The first time he saw her, their first meeting, first accidental touch of her skin, first kisses, first melding, first moment of intimacy…

The moment he asked her to be his. The moment she agreed.

The first time he let himself feel in her arms.

Once, he had enjoyed these remembrances. Once, it had been enjoyable to think on them. But she had been in his mind then, bringing her powerful and infectious emotion to these important milestones, emotion he could not access alone, but felt so right and easy when she reflected them in his mind.

Now, the memories were blank. Cleansed. Hollow.

So was his mind.

She had become everything to him. And now, he would never again gaze upon her aesthetically pleasing features. Never hear the laugh sweeter than music, never hear her voice call to him. Never feel the smoothness of her skin, taste its rich, human flavor.

He was beginning to think poetically, an even more ominous sign.

He had just barely reached the threshold to med bay, and then all was black.

He assumed that he had collapsed where he stood. He had never been quite as physically unaware, but his emotions seemed to envelop all other senses. He knew only pain, loss, grief. There was no relief to be found.

He wasn't entirely sure how he had wound up in the hospital bed. McCoy or some well-meaning orderly had placed him there. He didn't mind. It didn't really matter where he was. Nothing really mattered at the moment.

There was nothing they could do for him. There was no remedy for his pain, not that the Doctor knew, in any case. He was alone in his misery, despite being likely surrounded by people.

At some point, he began calling out to her in his mind, ravaging the place their bond had been in his search. He called endlessly, exhausted all of the names he had ever had for her in all of the languages they spoke. He even called some that he had never called her, never dared speak aloud. Now he wished he had. Regret, a very human emotion he had only recently become acquainted with. It had a consuming, bitter taste.

He was certain that he was about to pass out from sheer mental exhaustion, when he felt more than heard a response. A flicker, pulsing outwards from their bond and then fading once more. It was not much, but it was enough. She was alive, she was still his, they were still connected, despite how near nonexistent it had been reduced. He could go on. He could find her and bring her back.

There was nothing else he could do.

He opened his eyes, ready to move forward. Med bay was dark, or as dark as it ever was with all of the lights on the faces of various machines, spitting out readings or humming away in the background. He swung his legs over the side of the bed. Despite his head still pounding worse than he could remember (and he remembered everything), he assessed that he was otherwise unharmed and capable of movement.

He wasn't entirely certain how to proceed, but he had many ideas. Seek out Kirk and get cleared for duty. Research information about the planet and electromagnetic storms and establish exactly what had occurred. Hunt down Scotty and analyze the situation until they arrived at a solution. Contact the other Uhura's people. Get his Nyota back safely and expediently.

He stood, intending to do all of these things. But something stronger pulled him to the only other occupied med bay bed. The bed of the woman who had stolen his Nyota's place in his universe. Stolen may be too harsh of a word. He was certain this woman had not chosen to arrive on their Enterprise anymore than his Nyota had chosen to arrive elsewhere. It would be illogical to blame this woman for her role in the affair.

But some small part of him still resented her presence. And yet, he remained where he stood, watching her. The sense of calm he had felt by her side earlier began to return. She was not his Nyota, she never would be, but she was markedly similar. She felt familiar, if not quite right, and the idea of her soothed him. His emotions warred with one another, torn as he was to take comfort in any woman but his love. But it was a small comfort. And he needed all he could without her.

He stood there so long, she began to stir. Perhaps she had even sensed his somewhat oppressive presence. Whatever the reason, it was not long before her eyes opened. Then closed again, quickly. Then opened once more, cautiously, as if nervous of what they might find. He realized his staring might be slightly disconcerting, since she still likely had no concept of what had happened to her. But he could not bring himself to look away.

"Sp...Spock?"

She knew him. This was a good sign.

"Yes…Uhura, it is I."

He did not know what to call her. He had never felt so disconcerted in his Nyota's presence.

"What in…what happened?"

"I have not yet established all of the facts. I can inform you presently upon locating Dr. McCoy, if you so desire."

Her lips quirked, and some of the tension she held seemed to dissipate. Her eyes closed once more.

"Good ol' Spock. I can always count on you for a grounding dose of logic and reason."

Her eyes reopened.

"Even when…you're not exactly you."

He considered this statement.

"You also appear to be quite different from the Nyota Uhura I have grown accustomed to seeing."

She actually laughed at that.

"Spoken like a true Spock. Now I know that this is real and not some crazy dream."

"Are you suggesting that there is a manner in which I can be a 'false Spock', as you say?"

She grinned.

"No, of course not. Vulcans can't lie, correct?"

"Indeed."

She glanced down at her hands for a moment.

"My money's on an alternate timeline. A mirror universe, although hopefully not quite as reversed as the last."

"You…you have found yourself in such a situation before?"

She looked up suspiciously, and he realized he might have betrayed some slight emotion in his tone. But he could not help it. If she understood, perhaps she could help them more efficiently rescue Nyota.

"Yes. Along with Scotty, McCoy, and Kirk. But only once. I…don't like to talk about it. It was a dark place."

"Do…do you think you could relive it long enough to help us get…you back?"

She looked at him then, long and hard.

"Of course. But answer me one question first-do you want to get me back where I came from…or do you want to get _her_ back here?"

"…I am uncertain which answer is correct in this instance, and, as I have found to be prudent with my own Ny-Uhura, I shall, as she says, 'plead the fifth'."

She laughed once more, all traces of suspicion gone.

"I've taught you well, I see. Alright, I'll help you. Even if it means bringing myself back to that place again."

"You have my thanks. We will be indebted to you for your efforts."

"I'd say if anything, I'm being fairly self-serving here, but I'll always accept your gratitude. Especially since you usually tell me it's an illogical sentiment."

"It is an illogical sentiment."

"There's the Mr. Spock I know."

_Although, I suppose I'm not technically out a communications officer, I've just received an unexpected transfer. I wonder what she's getting up to…End Log._

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Reviews=eternal devotion and love. For serious, though.


	4. Wish I Were Here

So BIG note: This is a NEW chapter four, but if you've been following along, this is technically 'chapter five'. However, none of the previous chapters have changed, including what was 'chapter four' but is now chapter three, I just decided to combine chapter 1 and 2 so that the flow would be better and reorganized the chapters that followed. So you don't have to go back and read anything (unless you want to) but THIS is new.

In addition, I would just like to say that I cannot express just how grateful I am to everyone who has given me feedback on this story or favorited/followed it. I was so nervous about joining this fandom but you guys make it all worthwhile! And of course, thanks as per her due to my beta, Icelinaoc.

I don't own it, I just play with worlds.

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Ch 4: Wish I Were Here

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2266.77: We remain in orbit of Planet M-526. And, it appears we have an unexpected addition to our crew. _

Nyota Uhura was utterly restless. They wouldn't let her do anything.

_No complaints here. She's as feisty as the Uhura I know so well. _

Bones had told her she needed to rest and recover. Supposedly, she had hit the deck pretty hard when she arrived, already unconscious as she came onto the transporter pad. The others had already cleared, unsure of what had happened to their own Uhura. No one had been there to stop her fall. They made her sound like some sort of delicate damsel.

She had tried to protest that she felt fine, that she was perfectly capable, but the scan Bones took of her brain damned her to her bed. Her readings were all over the place, indicative of serious head trauma. She had her own theories about that, based on what Spock had told her about their bond, but she kept that to herself. Either way, strenuous activity was totally 'out of the question'.

So she had offered some alternatives to 'strenuous activity'.

She had offered to help man the communications station in her counterpart's absence. She even generously said that she would perform the assistant's role.

Bones told her Kirk was worried that the system would be too different, and that her injuries might be worsened by the stress of the bridge. Even though nothing exciting had happened (or would likely happen) since her arrival.

She had offered (via Bones, as _no one else _seemed to want to interact with her) to help Scotty and Spock with the calculations needed to begin her return trip. She even offered to just crunch the numbers while they did all the difficult analysis.

Bones told that they 'had precious prior experience' and that her assistance be unnecessary and likely a hindrance. Bones had told her the second part was a direct quote from Spock. She certainly didn't want to deal with him when he was in one of _those _moods.

She had offered to help serve the _Enterprise_ in any sort of capacity that was necessary and simple.

"I'll sweep the floors, Bones, just let me do something!"

But at every suggestion, she was told that she was too young, too inexperienced, too weak. And she had thought being a woman on _her_ _Enterprise_ was difficult. She didn't know how this Uhura could stand it.

"C'mon, Bones, at least let me help you out. I took several anatomy and first aid courses and the academy, and-"

"Dammit, Uhura, I'm a doctor, not a babysitter! You are not doing any work while you are on this ship and that is final! The sooner the hobgoblin figures out what to do with you, the better."

And that had been the end of the conversation.

…But he hadn't _specifically _told her she couldn't leave sickbay.

And so she found herself wandering the ship, familiarizing herself with all that was familiar and yet unfamiliar. It appeared that most things were in the same place. She found the mess easy enough, an observation deck she especially enjoyed, even the botany labs. Some rooms she didn't remember, or seemed to be out of place.

Everywhere she went, people stared at her. No one spoke, but knowing how gossip traveled on her Enterprise, she was sure that they all knew just who she was and where she had come from. She just hoped none of them thought her out of place and squealed on her to Bones. She didn't want to cross him in this or any universe.

She tried to get away from the constant barrage of stares, working herself deeper and deeper into the strange halls. She almost felt as if she was being drawn somewhere, although she couldn't tell why or where in particular. Her quarters, perhaps? But she was on the wrong level. Finally, she wandered into what seemed, in the semi-darkness, another empty workroom, and she felt as if she had reached her destination. It was quite strange. It didn't look particular familiar, and had almost a sterile feel to it. It almost reminded her of-

"Why are you in my meditation space?"

Her heart skipped a beat. Spock. That would explain the strange draw. She hadn't even realized she had been looking for some_one_ rather than somewhere. She turned, intending to say something lame about being lost, but found herself immediately rendered speechless.

He was so…handsome. But so utterly different. She had become used to being able to constantly read the emotion carefully covered yet easily visible to her on Spock's face. But this man had no such weakness. He appeared to be of stone. And other things were not quite right. He was too knowing, too gruff, too strong. The man she had imagined her Spock would become one day, not the man she awoke to each morning. Surreal in his difference.

And definitely waiting for her response. Looking…curious?

"I…I was looking for…you. I think."

Oh, great. Had she really just said that? This man, like no other, made her completely lose her brilliant linguistic talents. He stared down at her blankly.

"It appears your venture was successful. You are Miss Uhura, are you not?"

"Um…yes? Well, not…exactly. Not the Uhura you are familiar with."

Duh, he already knew that. She was speaking like a complete fool. His impassive features revealed nothing.

"I thought I had communicated quite clearly via Dr. McCoy that your services would be unnecessary during the duration of your stay."

"I…I know. He informed me that I would be nothing but a 'hindrance', as you said."

His head tilted ever so slightly. In guilt? In agreement? In curiosity? She could read nothing about this man.

"Then why have you sought out my present location? Surely, my presence is of no use to you. My work is all that should be required of me."

"I wanted to see you. I…um…I missed you."

She nearly winced. This was not at all how she had intended this conversation to go. In fact, she had not intended to be having this conversation at all. But, somehow, even in its awkwardness, speaking to this man was comforting. She hadn't even stopped to think about how desperately she had missed Spock until that moment.

"…That is an illogical sentiment. I have been onboard the _Enterprise_ during the entire duration of your stay, and am currently in your presence. And we have never before made one another's acquaintance."

"No, I don't mean you, not really. I miss…the other you. But you remind me of him. You make me feel…more at home."

She had not even realized she felt this way until she spoke the words. However, now she was completely certain that she had, unconsciously, been seeking him out for this exact reason. She was lonely. And…somehow, illogically, he eased the ache she felt for her Spock.

"Ah, I see. A very human reaction, but logical. You find the physical similarities between myself and the Spock in your universe to be familiar and therefore bring a degree of sameness to your new and likely strange situation."

"Yes. There is more emotion behind it than that, but in a 'logical' way, that is true."

"Ah, an emotional connection is present as well. You and your Spock are…close? 'Friends', perhaps?"

"Yeah, something like that."

His left eyebrow quirked up in a gesture so familiar that it nearly made her gasp and left a resounding ache in her chest. He appeared as if he was going to say more, perhaps comment on the lack of clarity and ambiguousness of her speech. But before he could, Bones burst into the room looking for all of world like an angry mama bear.

"Uhura, just what part of 'you are not to go anywhere while you are in my care' did you not understand?"

She was caught after all. She hadn't seen Bones this angry in quite some time in her universe. It appeared that age did nothing to mellow the man. She smiled, which only appeared to make him angrier.

"Actually, Leonard, I don't recall you saying those words at any point during out last conversation. I believe you forbid me from _working_ while I was 'under your care', but you said nothing about restricting my freedom of movement."

She felt rather smug at her witty response. Glancing at Spock, she noticed that the corner of his mouth was almost beginning to twitch slightly, a sure sign of amusement in her Spock. Perhaps the two weren't so different.

"Well, I'm saying it now. As your doctor, I command you to report to sickbay this instant, and for God's sake, stay there!"

She smiled sweetly as he silently fumed at her.

"Anything you say, Dr. Bones."

She turned from them both, ready to flounce past Bones in a final display of sass. Before she could, she was stopped by a most unlikely source.

"Miss Uhura, one more moment, if it pleases the good Doctor."

McCoy, eyes looking ready to bulge of out his head in anger, threw up his arms in defeat.

"Well since apparently no one listens to me in any case, it really doesn't matter what I say!"

Spock nodded, as if this was an acceptable answer. He turned to Uhura once more. She stared at him curiously, her interest piqued. What in the world could he have to say to her?

"Despite my earlier judgment on the matter, I believe that perhaps Mr. Scott and I could use some assistance with our work in returning you to your own timeline. That is, of course, if you feel in good health and capable of the work."

She was certain her smile was dazzling. She would say yes to any opportunity to get out of the dullness of sickbay, and, quite frankly, closer to anything that eased the constant ache in her head. Like Spock, for instance.

"I am most certainly up to the task, Mr. Spock. That is, if Bones is willing to release me?"

She was pretty sure he hissed in his anger.

"Fine, do what you want. But you best report to sickbay every few hours and check in. And it's on your pointy-eared head if she passes out and hurts herself worse than she already is!"

"I assure you, Dr. McCoy, I will take very good care of Miss Uhura."

She felt herself blushing. In any universe, it seemed, Spock certainly knew how to charm her.

_Strong-willed enough to take on Bones, in any case. Braver than I am in that respect. And she brings an openness to Spock I have yet to see. Perhaps her difference will be a good influence on my crew, after all…_

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__Reviews are love :)


	5. Didn't I See This Movie

Nothing really to say about this chapter, except that Spock is definitely starting to lose it now. If you missed the last update, there is now a new chapter four, but everything previous is the same. Thanks as a always to my beta Icelinaoc and my wonderful reviewers and followers. Enjoy!

Ch 5: Didn't I See This Movie

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.275: My first officer has been exhibiting some rather…strange behaviors. _

It was not even a week after his Nyota was lost, and he could not seem to stop finding himself in her presence.

He felt like he was stuck in some sort of cliché, Terran romantic-comedy movie. Everywhere he went, there she would be. It was highly illogical. It was also highly unnerving.

On this particular day, he began by going to the cafeteria to acquire nourishment. Perhaps plomeek soup, or one of the African-inspired dishes Nyota had introduced him to. That would surely bring him some measure of comfort.

She was there.

His eyes were drawn to her as he entered the mess hall. She was at the replicator. Making Nyota's favorite dish. The smell gently pulled to him, or so he imagined.

He could do nothing but watch as she returned to one of the tables where Doctor McCoy and several others were seated, making some clever comment about how the dish was not as pleasing as her mother's. She had looked for all the world like she belonged here, like she had been friends with these people for years, instead of days. Leonard and the other officers chuckled at her comment. Her smile was beatific.

A situation so very familiar, and yet so jarringly different.

He felt compelled to join them, as well, to see her gentle smile as he took his usual seat beside her. She was there, just waiting for his presence, but _she_ was not. He realized suddenly that it was not his designated nutrition acquisition time, and he was not, in fact, in need of sustenance. He had eaten less than 1.67 hours previous. It was almost as if she had…called to him. He left, irritated with his the irrationality of his thoughts.

After returning to his quarters for a very restless half hour, he decided to go to the recreation room to work out some of his excess emotion. Although he and Nyota did not often have scheduled rec time together (and when they did, they typically filled it with more…intimate activities), one of his favorite non-productive activities was watching her beautifully stretching and working her body in this very room. Perhaps he could rekindle the emotion in those memories by entering the same space.

She was there.

He could not help but take in her more casual apparel, the way she contorted her body in some sort of age-old Terran procedures, emphasizing her lovely curves. How many times had he taken in his own Nyota in an identical fashion? But that had been different. That had been during his designated recreation time, which, he found himself realizing again, this was not. The logical choice when faced with the emotional distress she created in him would have been meditation. He could not even recall the last time he had turned to physical exertion to excise illogical emotions. She had…called to him again, summoned him to her side. He was about to leave once more, close to surrendering to his emotional instability, when he heard something that froze him in his tracks.

She was laughing. She sounded just _precisely_ like his Nyota. His chest suddenly constricted so much that it quite nearly took him off his feet. How could his mate be so close, and yet so far? He turned rapidly, needing to be near her, needing his love, but it was not she. And worse still, she had ceased her previous activities, and she was laughing with _Kirk_, his best friend and nearly his romantic rival, as well. The eyes that should be looking at _him_, the mouth that should be delicately opening in _his_ direction, the most beautiful, musical sound that should ever grace mankind should be washing over _his _ears and no one else's. She was his.

But then, his eyes fell upon her and he was forced to painfully recall that she was anything _but _his, and she was free to laugh at Kirk's jokes all she pleased. She was not his. But she was. This situation was far too confusing for his already precarious emotional state. She called to him like his Nyota. She laughed and smiled like his Nyota. It was likely that this was, indeed, the woman his Nyota would one day become. She was, in many ways, just like his Nyota. But she was not his. And that thought nearly made him growl. Out loud. In a public forum. This was perhaps the most ominous sign of all. His loss was starting to affect his sense of public decency. That so rarely ever left him.

_I'm almost certain I heard him growl today in the rec room. Perhaps I am simply imagining things. I was rather distracted in the moment. The new Uhura _is _quite a charmer. I've always liked an older woman. _

He turned and vacated the vicinity before she could make the tempting sound again, or worse, beckon him to her side. He could never refuse such an offer. After changing quickly, he decided to give up on distractions, and leave for the bridge to begin his shift early and, hopefully, to escape her.

The lift opened on his floor, and she was there. Perhaps, he was calling to her, as well. A beautiful smile graced her lips. He was lost. Her lips parted to him, as if to speak, as if to pull him in and never let him go. He turned on heel and immediately returned to his quarters.

This appeared to be a battle he could not win.

He could not comprehend what was happening to him. He had acknowledged and dealt with the emotions of loss and lack (what humans colloquially refer to as 'missing someone') that Nyota's absence had left him with, and he had worked nearly non-stop during his free hours with Lieutenant Commander Scott on engineering her safe return. He had even consulted with this…other Uhura on several occasions—always in the company of Mr. Scott, never alone— about what they might learn from her ventures into parallel universes. He was doing all he could.

And yet, she called to him.

His need to constantly see her, to know she was safe and comfortable, was highly unsettling. She was not his Nyota. He should not be having these feelings, and he should not ever be acting upon them.

There was a knock upon his quarter doors.

He had the illogical desire to shout "Leave me be, she-witch!"

…He had to remember to tell his Nyota that they were not watching anymore bad, Terran horror films.

"Enter."

And there she was. He really was calling to her. There was no escape.

"Spock? Are you…all right? Every time I've seen you today, you've been…out of sorts. We've been working so well together these past few days…have I offended you? I don't wish to be presumptuous but…we are friends here…are we not?"

"Indeed. That is…a true statememt."

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I…you remind me of her. A great deal. It is…difficult to be in your presence."

"Do you…do you miss her?"

He closed his eyes. This was more painful than he thought it would be. Everything about her, even her mere vicinity to his person brought an ache to his chest. And yet, she also calmed the constant restlessness and need struggling in his mind. A balm, and, yet, also a poison.

"Yes. Very much so."

"This is…very confusing. I hardly know you. Why am I…compelled to come here, to see you? How are you so open with your emotions? Why are you speaking to me so easily of these private matters? My Spock would have thrown me out before I ever said hello."

_Her _Spock. And, yet, his treatment of her did not seem to imply a relationship of romantic intentions between the two. She was unbonded, yet she called to him, and he to her. It was…highly illogical. She was not his in this universe or any other. And worse still, his Nyota was trapped in a very strange universe, unloved and alone. Or perhaps…not so alone. The thought nearly brought a growl of possessiveness to his throat. She was _his_ in any universe. She, and not this woman before him.

"Nyota is my bondmate. You…I do not know what you are."

Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I…I have to go."

The doors quietly swished closed behind her.

His head ached at the sudden emptiness she left behind.

_Perhaps he is not quite as charmed by her as I. The loss of our Communications officer has affected us all…but, perhaps, he had been more affected than I had realized…_

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Reviews are love :)


	6. I Dreamed A Dance

I'm so happy with this chapter. You don't even know guys XD Just as a general note, this was the last chapter that I had written in advance. I think this story has roughly six or seven more to go, but updates may be slower in coming, as I'm starting back at work soon. Stick with me, and somehow we'll get Nyota home. Thanks to my lovely beta, Icelinaoc, and to all the people who followed and gave me feedback. Youda best!

I don't own it, I just play with it.

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Chapter 6: I Dreamed a Dance

Uhura had not dreamed since she came to the other _Enterprise_. Not a whisper. Not a hope. Not even a nightmare. In fact, she had hardly slept at all, and not well, not deeply when she had found rest here and there. It was wearing on her, running her ragged, but she could not find comfort in the dark. It was too empty, when it had once been so full of him.

She could hardly recall a time, now, when her dreams, her very sleep had not been saturated with him. Vulcans, as he was quick to inform her, did not dream, but for the scarce hours he did sleep at night (when he slept at all), their joined subconscious brought him to hers, floating along their bond into her arms as if he belonged there.

The first time, when they had first shared a bed after melding, while she was still back in her Cadet reds, he had been so disturbed by the experience that he had vowed to never sleep again, and certainly not anywhere in her proximity.

Apparently, such things did not happen with familial bonds, although she didn't entirely understand at the time how theirs was any different. She accused him of being melodramatic, but he soon learned to enjoy their joined dreamy jaunts. She rarely remembered them (she had never been one to remember her dreams), but he was more than pleased to describe them to her in luxurious detail as often as she liked upon her awakening. Sometimes, he would follow or intersperse his descriptions with particularly distracting advances, if the dream had been more passionate in nature. Those were her favorite mornings, although she'd never tell.

But, since she had come to the other _Enterprise, _their bond stretched and then snapped by the sheer distance between them, leaving her mind aching and empty, she had not once dreamed of him. She had not dreamed at all.

And that was precisely what made the dream so odd.

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2268.77: I saw you light the ballroom. _

It had been a typical restless night. No sleep to be had, and certainly no dreams. And then…quite suddenly…she had fallen.

And there he was, a light in the darkness of her mind. Words, in the back of her mind, not a captain's log at all. His words. She breathed his words, felt him fill her.

He stood, with his usual grace and poise, simply gazing at her, through her, into her. He smiled. He held his arms open to her, calling her to him.

He never smiled. Not like this. This was too human. This was not her Spock, not the other Spock, not any Spock that truly existed in the light of day. But she went to him regardless.

_Graceful as an angel's wing, I dreamed a dance with you. _

They turned in circles, drifting and falling together. She vaguely took in a large room surrounding them. It was bright, it nearly glowed, and it was lovely. But it did not seem relevant, not when he was there. Shining so bright. Lips brushed, arms tightened, bodies touched. Always, he smiled. Always, he gazed. _Mine_.

_You whispered slyly, softly. You told me you would be true. _

_Always. Always, mine. Not his. Mine. You, she, we, I. T'nash veh. _

The background changed. A beautiful ballroom, one she vaguely recalled from a childhood dance, became something else entirely. Space, stars, darkness. The observation deck? But no. They were surrounded by it. They were inside of it. They were a part of it. Spinning in space. Strange, but right.

_We spun around a thousand stars. I dreamed a dance with you. _

Spinning, faster and faster. So fast, she could not distinguish her from him. They were one. As they should be. As it always should be. But then they slowed. His grip on her loosened. The stars faded to black. So did his smile.

_I know the night is dying, dear. I know the day will dawn. _

She felt cold, frightened. This was not right. This was not possible. They were bondmates, soulmates, one being in two bodies. She was his and he was hers and she needed him. She ached for him.

_The dancers may disappear, still the dance goes on. _

She couldn't let him go, not yet. She clung fast, refusing to release her love. She would be nothing without him. Alone in the dark, again. Aching at the loss, sharper than before.

_I'll wake alone tomorrow. The dream of our dance is through. _

He seemed to sense her reluctance. His grip tightened for one more moment. _You are mine_. _Do not fear the dark. I am there. I am here. We are one. _

_But now until forever love, I'll live to dance with you. _

His eyes held her. She felt consumed. She could not breathe. She could not think. She could only see. Only him. _I will find you again. And we will be one. Forever. Just you and I. _

_I'll dream, my love…_

His arms loosened, one last time, for good. She was losing him. Already, she began to ache. _Think of me, love. Keep me close and I will find you. _

_I'll live, my love…_

The dream was ending. She could barely make out his glow in the darkness. The dream was ending. She was losing him. _Please don't leave me. I need…_

_And I'll die to dance with…_

He faded at last. He was gone. Darkness consumed her. The ache was never-ending. She was lost. Alone. _Please, no, I'll die without…_

She awoke in a cold sweat, sobbing harshly. Dreaming was worse than not dreaming. She vowed not to sleep again here.

_End Log. _

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She sat on the med bay bed, not really paying attention to Bones' grumbling as he examined her. Something about over-exerting herself, she was sure. That was all he ever seemed to say during her check-ups. Her hourly, never-ending check-ups.

"Any chance of this ending before I'm as old as you, Bones?"

He didn't respond, simply increased his mumbled grouching.

"Miss Nyota, your statement is highly illogical. Even in this universe, you were precisely six point five Terran years Doctor McCoy's junior. With the time differential, you appear to be younger still. I estimate an additional five years age difference at least. This would be an improbably long time for your examination to last."

Ah, Spock. She had nearly forgotten that he had accompanied her to med bay on this occasion. He was so damn quiet; it wasn't difficult to forget him. The man barely breathed.

"Knowing Bones? It hardly seems improbable."

"It wouldn't take this long if you'd rest like I told you to, rather than running amok all over this damn ship."

"Doctor, if you believe it would be more beneficial to Miss Uhura's condition, she need not continue working with myself and Mr. Scott. Our work is quite nearly finished, although it would certainly be expedited by her presence."

That almost sounded like a compliment, even as he dismissed her entirely.

"Spock! Don't give him any ideas. I fought hard enough to get out of med bay the first time, so if you think I'll go back quietly, you got another thing coming."

McCoy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in a way she had seen her own Bones do a thousand times. She was even beginning to miss the ornery, old Doctor. She had been away from her home for so long.

"Well, I think that is one fight I'll avoid for now, thank you very much. You're better off doing god knows what than you are constantly trying to escape my care. At least as long as you're with him, I know the hobgoblin will keep bringing you back like clockwork."

"Do you imply that because my body contains a mechanism by which to always keep me aware of the time that my physiology is similar to that of a Terran timepiece?"

"Well, you're damned sure the closest thing to a clock I've ever seen in a humanoid species."

"Not to break up your touching conversation, but even if I were to sit around doing nothing, as you so desire, I highly doubt that all of the bed rest in the world would fix this. In fact, I seem to end up worse off when I try to sleep. I can't concentrate on anything and I'm fading fast, here. What is happening to me, Bones?"

"Something's gone screwy with that brain of yours, but damned if I know what. It's unlike anything I've ever seen."

"Has her condition changed since you first admitted her, Doctor McCoy?"

"You're damned right it has. Her brain scans are all over the place. Her mind…it's like there's a chunk missing from it. And it's deteriorating rapidly."

She tried to tune out again, but she was finding it more and more difficult. People discussing her like she wasn't there was one of her bigger pet peeves. And, as if she didn't have enough to be bothered by, the topic at hand was downright frightening. Bones always knew what to do to fix someone. He was never uncertain. Unless…unless he didn't have all of the pertinent medical information.

"Bones…would it be relevant if I had…suffered a recent…psychic link disconnect of sorts?"

Both men turned to look at her sharply. She suddenly wished they would go back to talking about her instead.

"Of course it would be relevant! Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a mind reader! Now what the hell are you going on about?"

Spock was looking at her. Not just at her. Into her.

"I…I was bonded. I was bonded telepathically and now it's broken and I think…I think it's consuming me. Consuming my mind…"

"Bond sickness. _Tel-has-mar. _It is common on my world when a _ko-telsu _is lost. The minds are so intertwined that when one is disconnected, the other deteriorates in its absence."

"This is a weird Vulcan mind-reading thing, isn't it? Uhura, were you involved with a Vulcan before you came here? Is that the 'relevant' information you're trying to tell me?"

She was silent. She could still feel the heat of this Spock's eyes on her. She could not bring herself to say it.

"She was bonded to me."

Someone gasped. It might have been her. She couldn't handle this. It ached too much.

"Well, you're the expert on this subject, then. What can I do to help her?"

"There's nothing you can do. If she is not returned and reunited with her bondmate with all expediences, they will both soon perish. There is no other treatment. She is alone here."

Tears stung at her eyes and throat. This was exactly what she had been afraid of.

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I need some serious motivation to get cracking on the next chapter. Review and help me out? :)


	7. I'm Alive

Greetings, my lovelies! Thank you extra lots to all of my wonderful motivating reviewers! You guys really kept me going, and trust me, I needed it with this chapter. And thanks as well to my lovely beta, Icelinaoc, who keeps reassuring me that my writing is not as terrible as I think. I'm still convinced that Spock may seem a bit OOC in this chapter, but keep in mind that he is very sick and very conflicted. And with that, I bid you farewell. Enjoy!

I own nothing, I just play with worlds.

Ch 7: I'm Alive

Vulcans did not, as a general rule, suffer from diseases of the mind like Terrans did.

Perhaps they once did, when they were so ruled by emotions, but any chemical imbalances became easily treatable once control of one's mind and telepath healers were established. There were a whole variety of telepath-related complications, but there were no Vulcans with anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or any other disorder of the mind.

However, he was only half-Vulcan.

And he was hearing and, worryingly, glimpsing _her_ everywhere. Not her, as in the other Uhura, although he still seemed to run into her constantly. But _her_, his Nyota. Which was entirely illogical. She was light years and time years away from him. But she was near him, so close that he could almost touch her. He couldn't bear to part with this small piece of her that clung to him, even if he could 'meditate it out', so to speak.

So he listened to her whisper his name, _Spohck_, and he told no one.

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The turbo-lift seemed especially slow today. This was illogical, as certainly the mechanism and automated nature of it guaranteed the same time be taken for each journey it made. Perhaps it was the days, rather than the lift ride, that were seemingly lengthening.

_Even machines are fallible. Even time is fallible. Even _you_ are fallible. _

Ah. So she had decided to make her daily appearance. The voice came from somewhere in the vicinity of his left ear. He could almost feel her hovering there. He had been thus far unsuccessful at shaking the confusing emotions and near-hallucinations that haunted him.

_You haven't been _unsuccessful_, as you put it. You don't want to get rid of me._

That…certainly had something to do with it. He was beginning to fear that he might be suffering from rather significant _tel-has-bosh, _more so than he had originally thought.

_Ya think? _

Apparently his hallucinations agreed with him. He was uncertain if that was a positive sign or a particularly ominous one. The hallucinations themselves, at least, were certainly ominous all on their own. He had to get back to his Nyota soon, or he would be lost forever.

_Would that be so bad, Spock? I'm here. I'm just as good as her, if not better. We could be here forever. Just me and you. _

One of the favorite tricks of his mind was convincing him that she _was_, in fact, with him, and the voice he often heard was hers. It was not true, but it was beginning to be difficult to not believe. She, even more so than the other Uhura, was so much like his Nyota. If he actually saw her, in the flesh, he would be as good as lost.

Speaking of lost, where had he intended to go? His train of thought was all over the place, often derailing any coherent thought patterns he managed. She certainly didn't help.

_You were going back to your quarters to see me. We were going to make love_.

"Stop it!"

He slammed his hands down hard over his ears. It was futile to try to block her out (she was, when he could reason rationally, a construct of his mind and nothing more), but he felt as though he had to try. She was pushing him to the brink. He blinked, slowly, trying to come back to his senses. He was alone in the corridor. But she had sounded so close, so real…perhaps it would be warranted to do some more research into Terran mental disorders.

A voice, not hers, but very close, drifted to him from down the hall.

"So my teacher decided that I should have the solo in our end of the year recital. I was so excited. I practiced every day for months…"

The other Uhura, not the woman the voice tried to convince was still here. This woman was still here. And she was doing all she could to get home and bring his Nyota home, as well. Her voice grounded him, and reminded him that he had been coming to see her (by association) and Scotty and Chekov to begin with. Apparently, they had been taking a break and she was amusing them with a childhood anecdote, a pastime his Nyota had also enjoyed.

He walked down the corridor towards the lab the three were gathered in, his mind whirring back to order and reason. They had quite nearly cracked the algorithms that would allow them to transport between their ship and the other _Enterprise_. It would take a lot of power and all of their resources, so they would only get one shot at it.

The last questions, really, were precisely when and where. And that was perhaps the most difficult to answer. They certainly didn't have a way of getting in contact with the other universe.

"The recital went off with out a hitch. We finally reached the final number and my solo. I hit all the steps, nailed all of my leaps and lifts, and then…and then, just as I was about to do the routine ending split-"

He finally reached the doorway, and without thinking, completed her sentence.

"Another Terran child several years younger than yourself stepped upon your synthetic leg coverings, causing them to rip along the seam, and bringing much embarrassment to your person."

He did not know all of his Nyota's stories that well, certainly, but this one in particular had been that which she used to exemplify the feeling of 'embarrassment', when he had first entered her mind and been overwhelmed by the sheer amount she was capable of feeling at one moment. She had tried to single out instances of each being strongly expressed, a sort of emotional cheat sheet. Some still lingered in his mind, such as the dance story.

He suddenly realized that they were all staring at him, and he likely should not have shared his thoughts.

"Well…no, actually, I tripped over the younger girl's foot and went tumbling off the stage. Still landed in my perfect split, though."

"Ah. My…our Uhura experienced that life event slightly differently. Fascinating."

After their previous awkward encounter in his quarters, they had spent very little time conversing about anything more than probability algorithms and warp beaming theorems that might be applicable. However, he still found himself curious as to just in what ways she was different from and similar to his Nyota. Had he not had a whole mess of swirling emotions encircling all thoughts about the two, he would likely have been thrilled to exercise his scientific curiosity on the matter.

"It's, ah…good to see ya, Spock. What brings ye to the labs today?"

"I simply desired an update on your progress. Since having been…relieved from my duties by the Captain, I have found myself with, as the illogical expression goes, 'too much time on my hands'. Have you established a method of contacting the parallel _Enterprise_ in order to coordinate our transport efforts?"

"Uh…not yet. We are working on nothing else, and Miss Uhura's communications skills are helping, but it simply has never been done before. There's no precedent to work from."

"Ve are vorking blind, as they say."

_I could help_.

Oh no. Not here. Thus far, she had only tried to sway him while he was alone. He could not appear sane and stable (which was certainly questionable, at this point) if others saw him conversing with a nonexistent entity.

_I can make everything better. Come with me. I'll make you forget all about your troubles. _

He had to remove himself from this situation. There was no other option.

_That's good. That's right. Come with me, away from these people. You don't need them. Just me and you._

Everyone was staring at him again. He suddenly realized that the other Uhura, the _real _one, had spoken to him.

"My apologies. I find myself rather…disoriented by my…injuries."

"That's quite alright. I was just saying that I was glad you stopped by. I had a couple of theories I wanted to run by you, things I remembered from the last time this occurred, I was thinking-"

_Ah! Spohck! Oh…yes…just like that, ashaya…_

Oh no. No, no, no, NO! She was…_it _was…moaning. Just like his Nyota when she…he had to remove himself from this vicinity immediately. He could already feel his cheeks and ears heating up, his body tensing up at the familiar noises. He wouldn't last long.

"I would be open to discuss this with you further at a different time. I only meant to stop by for a few…moments. Just to check on…progress. I must be going."

"Spock…you're turning very green. Is everything alright?"

He wanted to shout _NO! Save me! _But he was helpless. The noises were increasing, and she…_it_ was so close, so close…

"I am…fine, just nauseous, a simple side effect. I will take my leave."

And with that, he turned on heel and made for the other direction, _any _other direction, as quickly as possible, with her screaming his name and several other voices calling after him. He made it to the turbo-lift just in time, and blessedly the voices ceased.

_That's much better, Spohck. Now it's just me and you. _

And then, just like that, it was gone, her entire presence lifted, leaving him sweating, embarrassingly stiff, emotionally unstable and so achy he thought his head might explode.

It was no comfort, he decided then. It was a terror, one that had to be dealt with swiftly and efficiently. He would meditate all night if he had to.

* * *

He had sat alone for many hours, trying to calm the swirling of his thoughts. He tried in vain once more to focus on his flame, his breathing, and the slight hum of the ship, anything but her. But he was lost in his own mind, finding himself unable to avoid the gaping, tearing hole her absence had left. Mercifully, _it_ had not returned, but he was certain that it was only a matter of time. And then he would have no choice, no escape. He had to be rid of it before it was too late.

As if summoned, and ever so quietly, the flame snuffed itself out, plunging the room into darkness. The only sound was his breathing.

And then, as if by magic, _she, _not it, most certainly not an 'it', was there.

She was wearing an outfit he had seen only once before, hanging within her closet at her childhood home. A dance costume of sorts from her last recital, she told him. She was smiling.

_Ah, you waited for me_. _I'm glad you remembered our plans_.

He shut his eyes tightly.

"Leave me. I do not wish your presence. I was not waiting for you."

_You were. You are always waiting for me. And here I am. I am what you want me to be. All for you. Come closer. Take me. _

"No! You are not my Nyota. You are a malevolent figure of my imagination and nothing more."

_Am I? Am I a simple spirit…or am I flesh and blood? You'll never know unless you try, unless you touch, unless you feel…_

He opened his eyes, and instantly regretted it. She was dancing. He had loved to watch his Nyota dance. Although he had never seen her quite like this. This was something that existed only in his imagination. Her arms lifted above her head, clasped, then opened, summoned him, pulled him, _called _to him. Her hips swayed in time, everything about her movements teasing and aching and so close, so real..but not quite. She moved too perfectly, too…sensuously.

_I'm your wish, your dream come true. I can be your darkest nightmare, too. But you will give in. You will be mine. I appear as you loved her. I own you as she did. _

"No, no never, no…not my Nyota, you are not…I will not betray her. You're just inside my mind. Logically, I control you. You will do as I say and be gone."

She approached him, slowly, a sly smile on her lips. He could nothing but gaze in horror as she straddled him, her hands hovering close to his face, just waiting for him to make the first move. He was weak; he wanted to so badly that it ached.

_Though you made me, you can't change me. I'm the perfect stranger who knows you too well…I know what you want. I know what you need. I'll hurt you, but I'll heal you too. Take me. I'm alive. I'm she. I'm yours. _

There was a knock at the door and in an instant she was gone. His sigh of relief was so forceful that it nearly knocked him backwards. She was gone. For now.

"Computer, lights at fifty-six percent. Enter."

It was she, still. He could not escape her. Even though this woman was entirely different, was actually flesh and blood, and was in no way trying to convince him that she was his Nyota, that she should take her place (or at least, he hoped she wasn't), he still could not be near her. The ache was too strong. It was all consuming. He would go mad. And yet, he wanted her near, wanted her to come close and hold him and soothe him with her presence until all was well. He said nothing. She stood motionless, almost as if she had not expected him to answer her.

"May I…come in?"

"That is an illogical query. I have previously given you permission. You need not ask again."

His voice trembled slightly, still on edge from the strength of his last hallucination, and his unspeakable, uncontrollable desire for this woman who was not his.

"I know, I just…wasn't sure if you'd really want to see me."

"My desires are irrelevant to your current line of questioning."

She laughed. He lost his breath.

"Well, seeing as I'm invading your quarters, I'd say your desires are very relevant."

He could not think of such things as desires when she was present. Truly, he could not think at all.

"State your purpose here."

"I…well…this is going to sound strange. Would you…tell me about her?"

"What?"

Of all the things he thought she would request of him, discuss with him, this was not one. It was so jarring, he was pretty sure the ache loosened, just ever so slightly. Enough to focus, just a little more. This was real. This woman was real. He had to get her home. And he had to find his Nyota. No more, no less, nothing else would do.

"Tell me about…your Nyota Uhura. She is…well, I just want to know."

It was an interesting request. He wasn't entirely sure what the results would be. He had thought of nothing but his Nyota, but he had not spoken of her since her loss. Should he? Could he? Was he still capable of recalling her without the ache devouring him?

"She is…younger than yourself."

She laughed again. It shook him to his core until he was nothing but a quivering mass of need. Maybe this was not such a good idea, after all. And yet, he allowed her to continue.

"I had assumed as much. This entire crew is younger than myself."

"She is intelligent. Brave, capable, creative, logical, compassionate. Aesthetically pleasing. She is…everything. Everything I never knew I needed until I met her."

And he was reduced to nothing without her. It appeared he truly could no longer live without her.

"When she joined the crew of the _Enterprise_?"

"No. We met at the Academy. She was…my student, at the time."

"I was…you were…are you telling me I was hot for teacher?!"

"I do not understand your phrasing, and Nyota was no longer my student when we became romantically involved...but yes. Nyota has since informed me that her attraction began while I was still her professor."

"How did I…how did she win you over?"

She spoke his name and smiled, and he was lost. But he seemed to think she was getting at something more.

"After her time as my student had finished, she became my teaching assistant. When she revealed that her inclinations towards me were more than merely friendly, it was only logical to begin a mutually satisfactory relationship of a more intimate nature."

"She came onto you, didn't she?"

He almost smiled at the memory of that day, and her straightforward, logical suggestion that they would be quite well suited for each other and that there was no reason remaining for them to not be together. And, of course, the subsequent demonstration, through the press of her lips on his, to further prove their physical compatibility. He could deny her nothing, even then.

"In a way, yes."

"Show me."

He froze. He was still sitting cross-legged on the floor, and until that moment, she had remained standing just inside the doorway. Now she was approaching him, unnervingly like his hallucination.

"You speak, I presume, of melding, a very intimate Vulcan tradition, as I am certain you are aware. That would be highly inappropriate and illogical."

"Spock…please. I need to see. I've always wondered…always thought, maybe even hoped that I might find a way to you someday. And now to know that I have, somehow, some way? Please. Let me see her."

He stood. He considered her request. He realized suddenly that, like her younger self, the self that he loved so very much, he could deny her nothing. Even though it might very well be the end of him, he would show her.

"…Very well."

She had quite nearly reached him. All he had to do was reach for her, which he did, albeit reluctantly. Slowly, he touched his fingers to hers ever so lightly, readying a select few various images and memories of his Nyota. As soon as their fingers touched, however, he felt as if he had been jolted by electricity, like touching a shielding device as it hummed to life. He suddenly felt her mind once more, insisting and pushing at him like it had the first moment he touched her. His mental control, typically so tight and perfect, snapped like a twig. She was too much like his Nyota, too needy, too insistent. He could deny her nothing, not even his mind. She greedily meandered through it, heeding no mind to the darker memories she stirred and prodded. The ache at the back of his mind increased until he could not see. She was so close, so similar, but so wrong in his mind.

And then everything went black.

_Hello, Spohck._

* * *

__Dun, dun, dun! Sorry to leave it on such a cliffy. Bad news, we won't be seeing Spock again for another two chapters. Good news, I already have half of each of the next two chapters written, so they may even be posted on schedule!

Reviews, as always, are love and the world's most effective motivation tool :)


	8. It's Gonna Be Good

Hi all! I'm sorry this took so long, this chapter put up such a fight and life is intense at the moment. Thank you to all my reviewers, followers, and readers, you guys really inspire me, and of course to my beta, Icelinaoc, for giving me the final push to get this posted. The next chapter should (hopefully) be up soon, and reviews are the best kind of motivation :)

I don't own it, I just play with it.

* * *

Ch 8: It's Gonna Be Good

She had been on the other _Enterprise _for a seemingly infinite amount of time. Time had no meaning any longer. Not much did. Someone had been trying to convince her to eat for several days. Thus far, she had steadfastly refused. Maybe if she died, she thought weakly one night—however long it might take—she might finally find her way home.

She wasn't even stunned by her own morbidity any longer. She was losing her memory, and with it, her hope. While it used to be remarkably easy to recall an image of Spock's face, the very specific tone of his voice—as easy as breathing, maybe easier—it was now next to impossible.

The only solace was seeing Spock—the other Spock, she had to remind herself—but even that was only a minor relief, as she had begun to exhibit uncontrollable muscle spasms whenever she was around him for too long, some odd side effect of the massive amount of internal pain she felt just being near him. A blessing and a curse, as always.

And the dreams. That was quite possibly what had been driving her mad in the first place.

The more she dreamed, the less she remembered. The less she remembered, the more she wished to dream. But she would still give up all her memories just to dream of him for one more minute.

She's leaning on his desk, back to wearing her academy reds.

He's standing over her, vaguely frowning. He's rather blurry, as if he's fading. His words flow in and out, only sometimes audible.

"This is a highly illogical and dangerous action. I would like to withdraw my consent."

"Spock! C'mon, baby…you promised."

"I told you that, if the situation presented itself, I would consider in the moment the possible outcomes and probabilities of negative consequences. I have done so. And I believe the risk outweighs the positive benefits, and will continue to do so as time goes on."

"And what, exactly, are these numbers and probabilities?"

He shuts his eyes, as he often does when he's calculating. She loves the intense look on his face. It brings a funny ache to her chest as she watches him, as if it has been a long time since she's observed this.

"There is an increased 15.65% chance of discovery by an outside party. There is a 26.7% of injury or strain due to our unusual activities. And there is a 91.4% chance that the memory of this encounter will bring both of us to distraction upon working together in my office on future occasions."

"Spock, that's the point. That's what makes this fun and sexy."

"I see nothing 'fun and sexy' about the increased chances of discovery, injury, or unproductive inclinations that may result."

"God, you're a normal, healthy male adult, right? I shouldn't have to beg you so hard to take me over your desk."

"My health and gender have nothing to do with my denial. Any person exhibiting a firm grasp of logic and reason uninhibited by extraneous emotions would-"

"I'll let you bite me."

He pauses. He blinks, just once, very slowly. His eyes are very dark when they reopen.

"I won't even dermal regenerate."

He's on her before she can make another sound, his mouth on hers, his hands on her, his mind brushing ever so lightly against her own. His body is all she can feel.

When she awoke from yet another beautiful dream, body still throbbing with pleasure, she was alone and upset and aching and very confused. The worst part of it all was that was that she had no idea why she felt the way she did. She couldn't even remember the wonderful dream that she had just awoken from. In fact, she couldn't remember much of anything.

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2266.90: Our guest doesn't remember who I am. So the tables have turned. It's usually me who never remembers the beautiful woman's name in the morning. _

She wandered around for several minutes, lost and confused, until she finally ran into Leonard, shaking and sobbing and hardly noticing that he looked nothing like the man she once knew. He had a very hard time convincing her that she was actually in an alternate universe. That had been revelation number one. That would have been worrisome enough. However, he also had to remind her that she had actually been serving on a starship and was not still attending Starfleet Academy. Something she was certain she should have remembered.

Her memories were slipping away faster and faster. Soon she would not be able to remember anything at all.

_But really, this is far more worrisome than it is humorous. McCoy's prognosis is grim. We find a way to get her home, or she dies. And we still have no means of contacting her own damn universe. _

She spent another few hours after that in med bay, trying to get a hold of herself and her memories, quite often dissolving again into sobs when the desperate ache within her increased suddenly, or when she almost had hold of what felt like an important memory, only to have it slip away.

_No leads. No names. And not much time left. I certainly hope she can pull it together on her own, because it seems like we've got a hell of a lot of nothing on our end. And it better be soon, or it'll be a day late and a dollar short in the worst kind of way. _

Finally, when she thought she could take no more, Spock had appeared. Despite his strange appearance, he brought with him enough semblance of familiarity for her to pull herself together. When he regretfully stated that he had to return to his work, however, she quite nearly broke down again, and was only able to be consoled by the promise that she could go with him, even though she was hardly capable of being a help, and might even injure herself further in the process. But she needed to be with him. Needed it like she couldn't remember needing anything before.

_The only thing she seems to remember at all is my FO. An interesting turn of events, indeed. I must be losing my touch. End Log. _

It was very quiet and very dark in the lab. Nearly everyone had abandoned their work for the day, long since gone to bed for the night.

Everyone except her. And Spock, of course.

He had to keep working. Everyone helping with the case had been informed that her mental state was rapidly deteriorating. She almost had not woken up from the last dream, wanting to stay inside it forever. Her mind was quite literally consuming her. They were still no closer to figuring out a way to coordinate their efforts with those of the other universe. Something had to be done.

"Miss. Uhura…I am fascinated by this concept."

Spock had not spoken to her for several hours. She had assumed that he was too nervous about frightening or confusing her more than she already was.

"What concept?"

"Perhaps you no longer recall. I speak of your…connection with my other self."

She couldn't quite remember what this Spock knew about her. She wasn't entirely sure if _she _even knew all of the things he might know about her. She tried to hazard a guess. His hesitancy certainly spoke of a more personal relationship, in any case.

"The bond I share with Spock? Or the fact that, in another universe, you deigned to share your life with a human?"

His lip twitched.

"Both."

That wit, that small quirk of humor, that much she could still remember. Apparently, Spock was wry in any universe.

"Yeah, my Spock's pretty intrigued by the whole thing too."

"May I…see it?"

She blinked. Twice.

"What?"

"May I see…your bond?"

"It's inside my head. You can't see it."

His eyes flashed in the way that usually spelled humor in her Spock. Her heart tugged at her sharply, stealing her breath.

"I am aware about the physiological nature of bonds. However, when a _telsu_ is formed—in most cases between two Vulcans, but also with humans—it is accessible by others experienced in the way of _telan_."

"Oh."

"I would have to meld with you, but it would not be intrusive."

"I don't know how my Spock would feel about this…"

"I am not certain, but I may be capable of helping you, of easing or containing the deterioration of your mind. And, I think that in any universe, I would respect the scientific method of logical hypothesis followed by experimentation. I will not harm you, this I swear."

She was torn. As much as part of her wanted to let this Spock meld with her—her heart was beating wildly at the thought—her Spock had always made it clear that it was a very intimate act, to be shared only by _ko-telsu. _As far as she could remember, they hadn't even been bonded for that long. It wouldn't be good to disturb something so new and fragile.

But, she was now painfully reminded by another throb coming from her head, it had already been disturbed and likely destroyed. What more damage could be done?

"Well…I guess it couldn't make things worse. Maybe you can try to…I don't know…fix it while you're in there?"

"I will make every attempt."

He approached her cautiously, as if she was a frightened animal. He stopped with a few feet of space left between them, waiting for her say to continue.

She reached for his hand, feeling the snap of telepathic energy as their fingers brushed. His mind felt more intense than she had recalled her own Spock's being. She pressed forward regardless, wanting, _needing_ this connection.

She brought his fingers to her face, splaying them to her psi points as Spock had taught her. She could feel his mind, pulsing, waiting, wanting just as badly as she.

"Go ahead."

She said it so softly, she wasn't sure he would hear, but his Vulcan hearing was more than keen enough, as usual. His mind plunged into hers quite suddenly, and forcibly too. A bright white stab of pain lanced through her.

And then everything went black.

_Nyota?_

* * *

Sorry for two cliffies in a row! Only a few more chapters left...reviews please?


	9. There's A World

__Thank you all for your patience and your wonderful reviews and follows and views! I hope this chapter is awesome enough to make up for the wait. I only have a few more chapters, but I haven't even started them, so expect a bit of delay. Anyway, thanks as always to my beta Icelinaoc and a special shout out to infiniteworld8 for her special feedback. Enjoy!

* * *

_Ch 9: There's A World _

The meld was overwhelming. It suffocated her like a too heavy blanket, and she had not the strength to push it away. She could no longer feel herself, only him.

This was not how it was supposed to go. With her Spock, she could vaguely recall by muscle memory, it was like they were sharing one body, one self. Each was open to the other, each _was _the other, but she was still herself when it ended. She felt like she was being consumed, possessed. She feared she would not be able to escape.

She had been losing her mind all along, but now she was literally lost inside of it, could not remember anything except to escape, to preserve herself somehow. She didn't know one could run from one's own mind, but she found a way.

She felt her suddenly small consciousness cower, driven to the very back of her mind in desperation. Even as she slowly felt the blanket hesitating, shifting away, she remained there, fearful. She was almost certain she was no longer conscious.

And then, finally, she was, blissfully, alone in her mind. It was dark and quiet and still.

* * *

It was after him. Whatever it (she?) was that had possessed his mind, driven him mad, it was hunting him down. He could hardly blame Uhura—this thing had existed long before he'd foolishly allowed her into his mind—but she had most certainly weakened him to the point where he could no longer fight it, his mental defenses shattered. And now she was gone, had retreated from his mind, and he had no hope of fighting it off alone.

He could sense it searching the front of his mind, tearing apart memories and emotions and thoughts in its desperately terrifying wake. He still had no clue what _it _was, only knowing its creeping whispers and haunting hallucinatory forms. Certainly it was a part of his own mind, a construct, but that didn't make it any less likely to destroy him. He had heard horrifying tales of _tel-has-mar_ as a child, but had never believed them to be any more real than the supernatural stories his Terran grandparents had spun for him. Now they seemed to be more warning than story.

There was little place left he could go. He knew his mind well, as any telepath should, but so did this thing that had been created of him. It would find him eventually, and while he did not know what it was capable of, he was certain that falling into its grip was not a pleasant fate. He had only one option.

He had not much explored the gaping chasm currently existing at the back of his mind where his bond with Nyota had once taken up residence. It had been painful enough just in its own existence, and it seemed to be better off left alone. For all he knew, that was where this thing had crawled out of. But, if he didn't know what lay beyond, then there was some chance that neither did it.

Feeling it closing in on him, he decided that anything was better than leaving himself to its clutches. It was worth the chance that he might make it out the other side and preserve his mind enough to know Nyota if he ever saw her again. So he gathered his conscious and the last shreds of his sanity around him, stole one last strengthening glance at the memory of her image—her angelic, forever-smiling image—and threw himself into the dark.

And then, finally, he was, thankfully, alone in his mind. It was dark and quiet and still.

* * *

Somehow, despite the oppressive fear she had been relieved of, she felt saddened by the loss. Especially as she realized that the place she had been relegated to was the gaping hole at the back of her mind, a hole once filled by a calm and loving presence. The one place not even another Spock could reach.

She had not touched this space since the emptiness had filled it, but now that she had, she felt drowned the sorrow it brought her.

She was on a strange ship in a strange time filled with strangers. She was sick and possibly dying. She had no way to return home. And worse, she was alone.

* * *

It was peaceful in the chasm, certainly, but it was so full of deep, sorrowful emotions—emotions he was not certain he had ever before been cognizant of feeling on his own. He did not regret his decision to flee the thing pursuing him, especially as he now felt it retreating, growing smaller and smaller in his absence. But it was certainly lonelier in the dark than he would have thought himself capable of feeling, especially as he could now recall her wonderfully emotional mind taking up residence there.

He did not like this part of his mind any longer. It was like a memorial to a fallen comrade. There was nothing here but emptiness and regret. Yet he found he could not leave it, because it brought him somehow closer to her.

There was nothing for him elsewhere anymore. A different woman had taken his Nyota's place in his universe, and he had no way to bring her back. His mind was being consumed. He would soon perish without her. Even here, in this dark space that belonged to no one but her, there was nothing. He was alone.

* * *

Missing her Spock desperately, she called out to him in her mind, despite knowing it would be to no avail. She had not tried to reconnect to him since she had been transported, fearing and subconsciously sensing that it would do no good. He was lost to her.

"Spock…I know you can't hear me but…I love you. With all of my heart and soul. I miss you so much I ache, and, apparently, it is literally killing me to be without you. I know that we fight and we don't always see eye to eye, but just know that you're everything to me. Even if it would save my life now, I wouldn't trade a second of the time I got to spend with you. _Adun_. Lover. Spock…"

* * *

Alone, always alone in the darkness. Forever hopeless and longing. This, he had accepted. It was the only logical fate left to him.

But, then, a flicker of light. Words, from some distant place, like an echo off an adjoining mountain range. He was helpless but to follow. He could walk forever if it meant he would reach her at the end. He would walk forever.

He did not have to walk so long, or so far.

Not a chasm at all. A tunnel. Dark and long, but still a connection. One he had lost all hope for.

* * *

"…Nyota?"

She looked up and he was there. Not just his voice, not just a presence. _He_ was there. Just him, emerging from the dark void. She was definitely unconscious, passed out somewhere far from home. But somehow, some way, he was standing before her.

No more thought to improbability, no thought to how this had come to pass, she stood (had she been sitting?) and threw herself into his waiting embrace.

"Spock! Spock….Spock…"

She couldn't stop saying his name, over and over, dissolving until it became a sobbing plea.

"You are crying. This is an illogical reaction to my presence."

She nearly laughed through her tears, sputtering only slightly.

"I've missed you so, it's even beautiful to hear you speak logically. I don't even care if this is real. I'm so glad you're here."

"Why have you come to the conclusion that this moment is merely fantastical?"

She looked into his eyes. So much hidden emotion, all clearly on display for her perusal. Worry, loneliness, need, love.

"I'm an entire universe away, love. This could be nothing but a dream."

"Does that require this moment to be any less real?"

He stroked his hands down her arms, across her back.

"My assessment corroborates my hypothesis; you feel quite realistic to me."

"Spock, why are we in darkness?"

"I know much about bondmates, but I do not have an answer to this query. You called to me, and I came to you. Some things about telepathy are unexplainable, even for Vulcan masters."

"Kiss me, then. Bring me the light."

He could deny her nothing. Even if he were thinking logically, he would never have it within him to resist such a request. Gently, afraid as if she would break, he brought his lips to hers. As she had requested, light seemed to glow all around them. She kissed him back thoroughly, arms winding around his neck. Finally, she leaned back, catching her breath. Only to see that there was no longer any darkness. In fact, their surroundings were something entirely different.

"We're…we're in a ballroom. My ballroom. From back home."

"It would appear so."

"…Dance with me?"

"I can think of no better use of my time with you, Nyota."

And so they spun, gently swaying in time to music that came from somewhere far away.

"Spock, I didn't know you knew how to dance, let alone a Terran waltz."

"I'm afraid your assumption was correct. I do not have any prior knowledge of this dance. And yet…here we are."

"Are you sure you're real?"

His lips quirked, as close to a soft smile as she had ever seen.

"Most certainly. As sure as I am of your own current existence. I am not, however, quite so certain that this vision we are sharing is real. Perhaps our minds have created this space to better facilitate our communication and connection in a way that is comprehensible."

"Ah. Makes about as much sense as anything else you've ever told me about Vulcan telepathy."

She was teasing him, and he knew he could live off of the light in her eyes, the merry tone of her voice. He would not need to ever think of anything but her. Except that, logically, they had more important things to discuss.

"You are also suffering from bond sickness, correct?"

Her smile dimmed significantly, and he felt a rather unexpected physical pain at knowing he was the cause.

"Yes. McCoy has been unable to do anything to lessen the deterioration or side effects."

"Ah. You, too, are being haunted by a construct of your own mental creation?"

"Are you talking about hallucinations? No, actually, I'm losing my memory. Not sure which sounds worse, to be honest."

"I have been trying to save you from such pain. Nyota, you must believe me, I have done nothing but work to ensure your safe return to our universe. I would never betray you, I-"

"Spock, it's okay. I know you would cross seven parallel universes to try to save me if it came to it. And I'm here now, aren't I?"

The seriousness of his gaze frightened her, driving away the last of the peace his presence had brought her.

"I fear that our current meeting is a truly dire circumstance. Neither of us should have been capable of reaching the other. I can hazard no hypotheses as to the state of our physical bodies, nor to how we will be able to escape this place we have found."

"But…why would we want to?"

"Nyota, I know this has been difficult for you. But we must return to our physical forms, whatever the cost. However real this feels, however real I believe you are, this space is not. It cannot be sustained indefinitely. And there are others who need you back in our universe, as well."

"But I'm with you here. This can't be wrong. Maybe this…is all that's left. Who knows? Maybe we could stay here forever. Just you and I. Maybe it's better that we cherish our time here and let that world go."

"You cannot think that way. Not when we are so close to getting you back."

"So close…yes, yes, we were…we had a formula, Spock and I…I-I remember! So close, except…no coordinates! Spock, that's it! We needed a connection to the other universe, and now we have one! If we can ever find our way back…"

"We will. Nyota, I will fight whatever I may face to bring you back to me, never doubt that."

"I know Spock, I know. I would do the same."

They agreed quickly on a time and a location, hoping against hope that this was it, that this was finally the answer, the break they needed.

And then, with no real thought or plan, their dance began to change, to become something else entirely. They needed this, needed each other, needed to be reminded that the other still existed and still needed just as desperately.

His lips were insistent, as well as his hands, and soon her clothing was gone and she was lying on something soft and it felt like it always did, like she would never get enough, but she would keep kissing and touching and cherishing him until neither could go on.

There was no sharpness, no clarity, more recollection than actual event, but when he moved in her it felt as real as anything had ever felt. She clung to him to hold them together, even as they fell apart as they always did, as close as two could be, closer to one than most would ever feel. She wasn't sure how long he held her there, but she would have been content with forever.

And then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the light began to dim. The music ended, and the room began to fall apart as if made of shattering glass. Nyota clung tighter to Spock, frightened.

"No! No, Spock, I can't lose you again, I can't."

He cupped her face lightly in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers until all she could see was him.

"You are not losing me. I would not allow you to leave me. I will be with you soon. I will bring you home."

"Come with me, Spock. I don't know the way back, I won't make it alone…"

He could feel her tears, even though he couldn't see them. She was holding him, trapping him against her with all her strength.

"No, I cannot come with you. I would doom you, trap you in this place in a vain attempt to follow. You must make one more journey alone. And then I will never leave you again."

"No, no, then stay here, I can't, I won't make it, it's too far, I'll be gone by then!"

"My desire to stay with you is great, but I love you too much for that. The universes have different plans. I will be with you, but I must leave."

He had not intended to shock her with his inadvertent admission, but his emotions were too unstable for him to prevent it from slipping out. The effect was immediate regardless, and he took his one chance to save her, and hopefully himself, and broke away from her embrace. The noise she made broke his entire self in two, and it took every ounce of willpower he still retained to keep moving, away from her and the broken world they had created, even as she cried out for him.

Her desperate sobs followed him all the way back to the chasm he had first leapt into what felt like years before. His voice was more broken and shaky than he had ever heard it, even right after he had lost his mother. He did not shout, but he had a feeling she would hear him regardless.

"Nyota, I am with you, always, even when you cannot see or feel me. You are mine, and I would never let you go. Please, love, do not forget me. Live for me."

And then he let his world fade to black once more.

* * *

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.300: He's flatlining! We're losing him! Dammit, Spock, just hang in there…_

* * *

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2266.100: She's flatlining! We're losing her! Dammit, Uhura, just hang in there…_

* * *

__Ah no! I can't stop writing cliffhangers XD This is the last one, I promise. Reviews, please?


	10. So Anyway, I'm Leaving

I'm so, so sorry about the wait on this. It's just felt like one thing after another this month. Thanks to all who kept me motivated, especially those who left kind reviews. And thanks, of course, to my beta Icelinaoc, whose turn around time is insanely awesome. Only one or two more chapters left after this!

I don't own anything, I just play with the world.

Ch 10: So Anyway, I'm Leaving

* * *

_Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.301: I lost a good man yesterday…_

It was dark and still for an immeasurable length of time. After all of the pain and suffering and conflict he had experienced, it was finally a place of peace. He wished to stay there forever.

But it was not quite time yet.

_For five minutes, anyway. Vulcan hearts are certainly a wonder. Bones said he'd never seen anything like it. I feel like he says that an awful lot. _

Nyota was waiting. And for her, and only her, he fought the darkness and found the light once more.

* * *

It was time, now. Time for her to leave, and, hopefully, time for another to take her place; time for _her _other to take her place.

He had not consciously decided to be there to see her off. In all honesty, he had planned to avoid the transport room entirely. He was still weak from his brush with death and insanity, and he did not want to risk another relapse, not when he was so close to being reunited with his Nyota. But, somehow, he found himself there. Scotty and Chekov sat at the transporter station, calibrating some last minute calculations, trying to shrink the margin of error as much as possible. They appeared to have the situation well enough in hand.

But then his eyes wandered to where she stood, alone next to the transporter pad. And she looked so frightened, so unsure. He could not convince his traitorous self to leave well enough alone.

"You need not fear. There is an 87% probability of this being a successful endeavor. All things considered, your chances are good."

She smiled a little, but he recognized that her fear had not fully rescinded.

"That still leaves 13% probability of failure. Taking comfort in such chance would be illogical."

He felt his own lips quirk slightly in response.

"Under normal circumstances, I would be inclined to agree. But, in this matter, we cannot fail. I will not allow it."

He was surprised by the vehemence of his own response. But the relief suddenly visible on her face made it impossible to chide himself for it.

"You'd do just about anything for her, wouldn't you?"

Although her statement was ambivalent, he, for once, did not feel the need to ask for clarity.

"Yes, I would. And I have."

He is unsure of what her expression means. It vaguely reminds him of something his Nyota once described as 'melancholy'.

"How in the world did your Nyota ever convince you that her love for you was not illogical? I can't imagine my Spock feeling anything for me."

Ah. Of course. She loved her own Spock, just as his Nyota loved him. Apparently their universe was more similar than he had thought.

"I am uncertain. I do not think I much had to be convinced. My feelings for her had been secured for quite some time before I knew of her interest in kind. Perhaps this is true of your Spock, as well."

"Truly? You think…do you think my Spock is capable of the same?"

"This is a fact I cannot know, but I will say this: I may appear to be ruled by logic alone, but you, in any universe, I have concluded, make me feel human. The emotion is there, it just needs a steady hand to guide it to the surface."

She smiled at him, the conflicting feelings disappearing from her face. Then, without warning, she leaned up and placed a very light kiss upon his cheek. At first, he felt jarred, assaulted by her emotions once again. But then, he felt _her_, and realized what she was doing. She was showing him something, focusing her emotion. He felt the devotion and love that this Nyota felt, not for him, but for another Spock, far away. He saw himself in her mind's eye, older and more stoic, but bizarrely similar nonetheless. He felt her love stretching back for quite a length of time, and also the newfound hope he had given her. He felt strangely pleased that he was able to help her in that way.

And then she was gone, and he was alone in his head again. It took him a moment to focus back on reality. When he did, he found she was speaking.

"Thank you. For everything. Whether this works or not…it's good to know that maybe, just maybe, I have something to look forward to back in my own universe."

"It may be an illogical sentiment, but I wish you luck. Knowing myself, you will need it."

Her smile was wry and he wondered, briefly, if he would miss her when she was gone. He would certainly think of her, of that he was certain.

"I wish you peace and long life with your love, Spock. I hope she loves you as much as I do."

"She does."

He knew this. He would never doubt her or question her ever again.

"Not to break up the touching moment, but it's just about time, and we willnae get another chance."

Spock nodded at Scotty, and stepped away from the transporter pad. Uhura moved away as well, stepping onto the pad.

The beams began to focus, the distinctive humming sound filling the room as usual.

"Don't forget me."

It was a bare whisper, perhaps not meant for any of them, but his superior hearing picked it up.

"I'll remember."

He had not realized he intended to respond until the words left his lips. He could not be certain if she had heard, but he found he did not regret speaking.

Her body began to shimmer, lights flashing and brightening. The hum was louder than he ever remembered it being. This moment, so important, so all consuming, was too staggeringly powerful for his fragile state, and he felt himself fall back against the wall, sliding down it. He hit the deck hard, but not so hard as to black out. She flickered, once, twice, three times, and then she was gone.

He closed his eyes. This was it. When he opened them again, either she would be there, or she would not. His entire existence depended upon this moment.

And then he felt the flicker.

* * *

She had been waiting in the transporter room, rather nervously, for almost an hour when he finally showed up. She wasn't sure if he would come. After what had transpired the day before, she wasn't really sure if she wanted him to, anyway. But here he was. And she could not bring herself to send him away. She wanted to say goodbye, at least, no matter what had happened between them.

He lingered, almost uncertain, in the doorway.

"Well, come in, then. I won't bite."

She heard Scotty chuckle from his place at the transporter station. She tried to pretend her spirits were as high.

"You are nervous."

But he always could see right through her.

"I think it would be stranger if I wasn't."

"Perhaps. I wish to speak with you, if it will not distress you further."

"You already are speaking with me. You may as well go on now that you've started. I don't seem to be dying again just yet."

Although she had meant her words in jest, their reality left coldness in the air between them.

"You cannot know how much I regret being the cause of such agony to your person. I have come mainly for that purpose, to atone for my transgression, although I can assure you, I will never forgive my lapse of judgment."

She sighed. In any universe, Spock was too good at beating himself up.

"There is really nothing to be sorry for. I should have known better, should have informed you of my fragile mental state first. And I'm fine now. Better than fine. I'm going home, right?"

He nodded at this, but she could tell he wanted to say more than he was.

"Go on. Don't feel bad. I'm sure my seeing inside my crazy mind brought up all sorts of questions. I'm not mad. You can ask."

He nearly looked relieved at her statement, if that was possible for a Vulcan.

"Please, I must…how do you feel so many emotions towards my person? How do you feel so much at once? I saw…felt…happiness and sadness, love and hate, need and loss. This should be impossible, illogical, but yet, that is what you feel. Why? How?"

"Love is complicated. Especially the way I love you."

"It is illogical to love so deeply."

"Love is never illogical. It just is."

"I…such an involvement has no potential for long term connection. Our individual selves are too volatile. My people would never accept it. There are too many unknown variables."

She smiled sadly at his flustering.

"Do you truly believe that? Is love worth so little to you?"

He hesitated.

"It is only logical to put aside an experiment that can have no positive outcome. Similarly, it is better to not try than to do so and be hurt by the attempt."

She shook her head vehemently. She could not allow him to suffer from his own ignorance.

"In my universe, we took a chance, it's true. And we have not always been happy and perfect. I don't know if we will always stay together or how long our relationship will last. But we have each other. And that is enough."

Slowly, after a few contemplative blinks, he nodded.

"That is...logical."

She smiled beatifically at him.

"Listen to your heart, for once. I'll appreciate it."

He reached for her face once more, and she allowed it. He did not overwhelm this time, merely hovered. She was immeasurably grateful for that. She brought her well of emotions for Spock to the surface, touching on each one in turn so he could see. She wasn't sure how long they stood there, just feeling together.

"Not to break up this touching moment, but if we dinnae get a move on soon, we'll miss the only chance we've got."

Spock broke the contact abruptly at Scotty's words, and nodded. She wasn't sure what she read on his face, but she hoped her words and thoughts had helped. He looked thoughtful, in any case.

And then the humming began and she was caught up, once again, in the lights and warmth of the transporter beam. This was it. This was the moment. Hopefully, she was going home.

"Thank you."

She wasn't really sure what she was thanking him for, or if he would even hear her quiet whisper, but she felt the need to say it nonetheless. She was leaving. She would never see this world again. This was not the time to leave words unsaid.

His eyes locked on hers, and she saw his lips moving. The hum was too loud, the lights too bright. But she felt his words, _It is I who should be thanking you_, even as the room faded to white, and the lights faded to black, and the roaring disappeared.

She shut her eyes against the blankness. This was the moment of truth. When she opened them again, she would be nothing or everything. She couldn't bear to find out.

Then she felt the flicker.

* * *

Is this it? Could our heroes finally be reunited? Tune in next week (hopefully!) to find out!

Reviews are wonderful motivators... *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*


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